she woke up with a sticky ear
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it was like eating out sand paper
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
