i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
