this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
