Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Randomize
