You made me cry and you don't even care
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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