it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
