I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
