i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize