someone get that fucking seahorse.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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