My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
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we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
God, I missed his penis.
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