for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
