we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
