If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
