mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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