i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
