I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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