My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I intend to get homeless drunk
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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