Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
True strength comes from lack of pants
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
