so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
