I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
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It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
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Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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