conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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