I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
