gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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