Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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