M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
