he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
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I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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