my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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