my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
