Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
