Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
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Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
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You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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