____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
