I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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