Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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