that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
