Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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