You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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