grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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