you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
