I got chris browned last night
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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