so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
