Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
