one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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