we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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