Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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