I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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