Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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