My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
