i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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