he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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