hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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