I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize