Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
