Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
