That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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