Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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