So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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