ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
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as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
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Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
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