The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize