it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Goodnight sugar queer
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.