So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
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Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
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i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness