pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.