Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.