I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
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Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
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I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.