how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
