I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
