So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
